maybe i’m not in full control and that’s what’s bothering me more than anything these days. A reckless dunce moving forward at breakneck speed, trapped in a noose by the world’s creation, it’s all the world’s doing, never mine own. Bless these people, bless me among their refuse and shitheaps. These standards never made much sense. But still, it’s not unusual to imagine that I am unwittingly entrenched deep in their world, saturated still by those same strange standards. I’m surely affected by those all-too-real, make-believe forces that guide the feelings we have for one another. Pleases, Thank yous, Pardon Me Ma’ams.
Manners are meant for humanity. And my luck being just the same as it’s always been, I’m feeling strikingly less human the more and more moments keep their momentum.
This feeling is much more like that of Grendel than Beowulf and maybe that’s going to be my downfall. Moving into a beasts being, instead of being as i was born, human and nice. Cause all that this feeling- thoughtful, misplaced and misunderstood- has ever seemed to lead to is your unrighteous body left ditched and half-forgotten in a marsh and your head on some king’s wall.
I may be losing my mind, but at least I still look human.